1. My partner doesn’t need my permission
When my partner tells me about what she wants to do with another person, she’s not asking for my permission, she’s concerned about my feelings. She wants to know how I feel about her plans. She wants to know how much I want to know. She want to know if there is anything she can say or do to make me feel better. If I’m not ok with it, we can talk about it. I want to feel ok with it, not make her feel bad about her choices and her choices are her own, as are mine. She makes the ultimate decision to go ahead and may choose not to do so until I feel comfortable.
2. I have to trust my partner’s judgement
My partner has her own judgement and I have to trust hers is just as good as my own – she did marry me after all. She went on many dates with many different people before we met and she was fine. Just because she’s married now, doesn’t mean she’s forgotten how to spot a dickhead from a mile away (I snuck under her radar) or an unsafe situation. We have agreements in place to increase safety during dates, but I trust her to choose who she meets and her ability to control her own situation.
3. I’m always there for aftercare
I am responsible for my partner’s aftercare; not just post-kink play aftercare, but after any time she’s vulnerable with anyone. She depends on me to know her better than any other person in the world and to give her what she needs at the times she needs it most. She doesn’t see other people in isolation. Strong feelings can surface at any time and just because I didn’t cause them, doesn’t mean I can ignore them. Her bad dates are my bad dates, her breakups are my breakups, her heartbreak is my heartbreak. The comfort from knowing I am always there, gives her the confidence to open up to and be intimate with others, despite the risk of being hurt.